


tell all your friends [discontinued]

by revengeavenue



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), All Time Low
Genre: 2005 AU, Everyone Is Emo, High School, M/M, Nostalgia, i am garbage, teenage angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 15:50:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7393678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revengeavenue/pseuds/revengeavenue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Junior year and Luke has never felt more lost. He's got blatantly obvious confidence issues, as well as a general fear of other people. His friends and family don't really get him the way he wants them to. Ashton, a new student in Luke's class, just happens to feel the same way. Luke isn't too keen on letting people in, but something about Ashton has him second guessing a lot of things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to this pile of bad idea. I came up with this fic about a year ago, but I've only been motivated to write the thing as of recent. this is also available on my wattpad, just search it up! (it's a bit different on there as far as chapter labels go, but other than that, it's the same story.) I hope you enjoy.
> 
> UPDATE: this fic is no longer. I'm leaving it as is, so you can still read it, but just know that it's unfinished.

Luke felt the impact of his feet on the tired pavement as he made his way to the local shithole. It was the first day of Junior year, and if he was honest, he'd rather be at work dealing with rude customers. At least he didn't know those customers by name, because at school, it was nearly impossible not to know everyone by name.

He tried not to think about what the day had in store, and turned the volume up on his MP3 player. "Swing Swing" by The All-American Rejects was now loud enough for someone else to hear it if they happened to walk by him. Luke didn't care. He was having a damn good time.

He sighed, feeling sick to his stomach as he tugged on the seam of his Green Day shirt. He ran a hand through his blonde fringe and thought about how much he'd rather be at home, playing guitar in his room. All Luke wanted was to drop out of school and start a punk band.

His parents didn't exactly approve of that, or the ring that adorned the left side of his lip. They wanted him to be one of the popular kids. Luke always scoffed when they brought them up. They went on and on about their stupid good grades, football games and cheerleader girlfriends like it was some kind of dystopian bullshit.

Luke never wanted any of that. He didn't want to peak in high school like them. He wanted to express himself and feel original. Photo copies are fucking boring.

His eyes reverted up to the trees along the sidewalk. Soon they'd lose their leaves and then there would be snow on the ground yet again. Luke always hated how fast time flies. Seasons flashed before his eyes and he wishes he could somehow slow everything down.

The school was finally in his sight and he did everything he possibly could to stop himself from throwing up. He wasn't even that excited to see his friends. They practically forgot about him over the summer.

He walked past all the popular kids sitting outside talking about their meaningless relationships and expensive clothes. They always sat on the picnic tables in the morning and glared at everyone walking by. They thought they were so much better than everyone else, and that never did change.

Luke always ignored their death stares, although he couldn't help but feel awkward. He wondered if they talked about him. Even if they did right in front of him, he wouldn't know because his music always drowned everything out. He didn't want their words in his head anyway.

Luke opened the door to a half-full lobby of people he didn't like. Scanning the room, he found his group of friends. There stood Calum Hood, his closest friend since first grade. Calum was the only person that really bothered to keep in touch with Luke over the summer. They'd stay up late and talk about the bands they quite literally wanted to be. Calum was making an attempt at learning how to play bass. He even wrote a few songs, and they would sit around until the punk band dream actually happened. Luke thought he was a lyrical genius, but that's just Luke. It's not hard to write a punk song.

Along with Calum stood Jack and Alex, two best friends with similar dreams. The band would already be formed, if it wasn't for the fact that they both played guitar. You wouldn't find one without the other, and bands aren't supposed to have three guitarists. So that idea was a bust. But, there was still no doubt in Luke's mind that one day they'd being doing something amazing someday.

Luke made his way over to them, tugging his earphones out of ears.

"Hey, assholes," he said sarcastically, swinging the earphones in his hand side to side. Luke somehow always got stuck with annoying habits.

"Woah, look who actually decided to show up on the first day!" Alex retorted, mimicking Luke's tone. He recently obtained a warped sense of humor, so this was rather low-key of him.

"Fuck you, I was seriously debating on telling my mom that I'm dropping out." Luke toyed with his lip ring and wow, he really didn't feel like existing today. Maybe existing somewhere that wasn't school would be a little better, but still, it was all the same shit.

Jack laughed, standing closer to Alex than necessary. "Like she'd ever let that happen."

"Yeah, no. She already calls me emo on a daily basis and tells me that I should dress more professional. There's no way." Luke mentioned, feeling the intense urge to complain about his parents in further detail. He'd save that for lunch.

"You are emo, though," Calum chimed in and now Luke had Panic! At The Disco stuck in his head.

He was undoubtedly emo.

Luke just gave Calum a look. From what he could see, he was also a hardcore closeted emo. He just pretended he didn't see the Fall Out Boy lyrics Calum posted on his LiveJournal a few nights ago. Smooth, Calum, smooth.

Soon enough, Bryana Holly walked in, and nearly every guy in the lobby turned their head on command. Luke couldn't see what the huge fuss over her was about. She was just another popular cheerleader. Luke didn't fall for that whole scheme. He never did. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he liked girls, guys, both or neither.

Sexuality was a grey area for Luke from age thirteen and on. He wasn't sure how his parents felt about people who weren't straight, and he was terrified to find out. They never talked about gay people, as if they didn't exist. And that wasn't a good sign. They were also conservative as hell; perhaps Luke wasn't in the best situation to tell them about it.

Luke cursed himself for being stuck with problematic parents. Why him? Why not someone else?

He didn't tell them much anymore. They were the type of parents who told their kids that they can "tell them anything" and they wouldn't be judged for it, and then turn around and go back on their word. That's why he always ended up keeping it to himself, or telling his friends instead. At least they listened.

Luke didn't feel like playing games. He'd tell them when he's moved out, so they can't kick him out. Problem solved, or more like put on the back burner. Close enough.

The bell rang for homeroom, and they all walked to their room together. They all had last names in the same vicinity, so they usually had homeroom together. Luke silently thanked the god he didn't believe in.

He forgot that Bryana was always in his homeroom, until he walked in and saw her standing at the back of the room with all her friends.

Her blonde hair was shoulder length and complimented her beautiful facial structure. She wore light makeup, unlike some of the other cheerleaders. Her pink dress contrasted well with her tan skin. She looked like a model you'd see in those girly teenage magazines.

Okay, maybe she wasn't actually that bad to look at. But Luke wouldn't admit that.


	2. two

"He can't hear us, he's too busy drooling over Bryana Holly," Jack said all too loudly, and Luke was considering manslaughter on the first day of Junior year.

Safe to say, Jack Barakat was an asshole, and a friendly one at best. He was open about everything under the sun. Most of his class thought he was too open. Luke just thought he was an ass. Jack thought he was just making harmless fun.

"I can hear you perfectly fine, and I'm not drooling over her. You guys just over analyze everything I do." The blonde spat back. Luke just wanted to enjoy his lunch without Jack and Alex pointing out every little thing he did. It was only sixth period and he was about to grab his shit, and leave for the rest of the year.

"Dude, come on. You haven't stopped staring since you saw her walk in this morning," Jack laughed, pushing Luke over the edge. He was getting fucking pissed.

But no matter how pissed Luke would get, he wouldn't do anything to stop what was triggering his anger. He found it difficult to stand up for himself. It was twisted and all sorts of fucked up. Luke hated himself for it. Bottling it up only made him mad at himself later; he felt so powerless.

He reminded himself to make a list of things he wanted to combat in Junior year. That was for sure going on the list, along with a hundred other things Luke did to piss himself off. He wasn't good at being a functional human being.

Calum finally decided to stop them and stand up for Luke like the good friend he was, "Guys, leave him the fuck alone. Can't you see he's not laughing with you?"

A painfully awkward silence hung in the air after the words left Calum's mouth. There was no way Luke was going to start spilling his guts about his home life now. It was clear that all Jack and Alex wanted to do was make him feel small. They didn't need to, Luke already did that to himself.

Most people at school thought he was lacking self esteem, and that he thought of himself negatively. Little did they know, they were wrong. Luke didn't even think of himself at all. He worried about everyone around him instead.

The four ate the rest of their gross school cafeteria food in silence. Luke reminded himself to start packing lunch because he wasn't sure if he was eating pizza or lasagna.

Jack felt guilty for the way he forgot how sensitive Luke was. They barely knew each other, and he cursed himself for making the whole table awkward. He thought about finding him after school and apologizing so the year would go more smoothly. Though he knew he'd probably forget, it's the thought that counts, right?

The thing was, Jack didn't have the big ego he presented. It was all a front that he put up so he seemed stronger than he really was. He feared judgement just like all the other kids in that shitty run down high school.

The bell rang and the whole cafeteria became a maze. Crowds stressed Luke out more than anything. He took a deep breath and headed for the door, occasionally glancing at the schedule in his hand. He'd do anything to stop eye contact with random people he didn't care about. It absolutely terrified Luke.

Not watching where he was going, Luke ended up running straight into the back of none other than Bryana Holly. She reacted quickly, turning her body towards the weird emo kid who collided with her moments beforehand.

"Oh, shit, sorry Bryana." Luke mumbled and didn't care if she heard or not. He had enough embarrassment for the day and just wanted to go home, crawl in bed, and listen to music loud enough to drown out his thoughts.

She smiled, all perfect teeth and dimples, and pulled him aside in the narrow hallway. It was getting increasingly full of more angsty teenagers and Luke was getting increasingly stressed out.

Luke just stood there and stared, obviously taken back by what she just did. If Jack saw, he wouldn't let him live that down.

He didn't say anything, so she tried to make the situation less awkward for the both of them. "Hey, you're Luke Hemmings, right?"

"Yeah, why?" It took the concentration of every cell in his brain not to stutter, or break down in tears over the whole mess at lunch.

"Because my one friend thinks you're cute, but I'm not sure if you're straight or not. I don't like to assume everyone is straight because it's not the default sexuality, you know?" Bryana said cheerily, and met Luke's gaze. She was known for flaunting her educated nature. Everybody loved her because she simply loved everybody too.

"I, um-" And just like that, the bell rang loudly throughout the whole school. Luke let out the breath he forgot he was holding in. He was truly saved by the bell. How fucking convenient.

Bryana's smile didn't falter, "You can tell me after school, we can talk about it, okay? Meet me outside at the picnic tables!"

She made her way down the hall to her next class and Luke just stood there, planted as he attempted to process what just happened. He was at a loss for his conscience, which conveniently called in sick that day.

And now Luke had two periods, an hour and a half, to either figure out his sexuality, or a cutesy lie he could tell Bryana.

He'd never been so fucking confused.

-

The last period of the day proved to be the absolute death of Luke Hemmings. It was one of the only classes he didn't have with any of his friends and he felt so vulnerable being all alone. When he walked in, he stole a seat in the very back to lessen the chance of him being called on at random during class.

While the new Chemistry teacher teacher droned on about the curriculum for the year, Luke let his eyes wander around the room. All he saw were a fuck load of kiss-ass smart kids and a few jocks. He would've rather died a slow, agonizing death than be in that very classroom, he reckoned.

The clock read 2:50 and he was seriously contemplating climbing out the window. He ran a hand through his hair for the thousandth time that day and let out an inaudible sigh. Why was Bryana Holly...well, Bryana Holly?

She was a ray of motherfucking sunshine and could get anything she wanted from anyone just by smiling. Perhaps it took Luke a little too long to figure that out, and perhaps he fell right into her little makeshift trap. He tried to wrap his mind around the idea of her existence, but failed. He cursed her a few times in his head before the bell nearly gave him a heart attack.

He swore a few more times for good measure, because he still didn't think of something to tell Bryana yet. He wouldn't be truly content until he scripted out the entire conversation in his head. Even then, he'd waste all his energy perfecting it.

Luke couldn't help but wonder why was she forcing him to open up to her anyway. They don't know each other and have no reason to associate with one another. All this thinking was making Luke's head pound as he headed towards the front doors.

He just so happened to spot little miss sunshine herself.

"Oh, hey Luke! So, what's going on?" She was all too peppy for it to be three in the afternoon. Knowing the mentality of the popular chicks, he assumed she was fully caffeinated.

"Hey, I'm just exhausted today, you know?" Luke felt like dying because he sucked at keeping conversations the least bit interesting, especially at the end of a school day.

Bryana lead Luke over to one of the picnic tables and he was so nervous for the conversation that was about to happen.

"Yeah, me too. I hope you're not in a hurry or anything." She trailed off slightly at the end of her sentence, which was strange considering she was the most confident person Luke had ever seen in his life. Arguably, he always made stupid misconceptions.

Luke sat down across from her. He couldn't ignore the fact that his heart would quite literally pound out of his chest if she didn't just ask him the dreaded question, like soon.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm not. I've got loads of time!" He replied a little too excitedly and couldn't believe the situations he got himself into.

Bryana laced her fingers together and crossed her legs under the table. While peering at Luke, he thought she looked like she was dreading this too, but she did it anyway for the sake of her mysterious friend. Luke wondered who the hell she even was.

She finally spoke after an uncomfortable window of silence, "So, about the friend of mine who thinks you're cute. She's really sweet and she has a pretty great music taste. Her name is Julie."

Luke kinda just smiled and nodded, not knowing what to say.

Bryana low-key panicked, "And I'm sorry about earlier. I kinda put you on the spot and it was wrong of me to ask for your sexuality like that. I'm too forward sometimes and I come off as a bit of an asshole. Fuck."

"No, no, it's chill. I'm gonna be really honest, I'm not entirely sure about my sexuality. I'm not really that sure about much." Luke was starting to warm up to her, seeing how honest she was. She was easy to talk to, to his surprise.

Bryana's face showed pure concern, and that wasn't something Luke was used to. She already seemed like she cared. Luke's own friends didn't care much about his emotions most of the time. Sometimes, they didn't at all.

"And that's perfectly fine. You don't need a label. Just don't repress feelings, it gets ugly that way. You don't have to talk or meet Julie if you don't want to. It's your choice who you want to have in your life." She uttered so genuinely that her words made Luke feel so much better about, well, everything.

And yeah, the first day started out so shit, but just maybe Junior year wouldn't be as bad as Luke thought it was going to be.


	3. three

Despite having a pretty good first day, Luke fucking hated school. It was as simple as that. He always had a burning hatred for it and he reckoned that nothing would make that go away, with the exception of graduating or dropping out. The environment made him feel self-conscious about everything he did. He felt like he couldn't even cough at school without being stared down. It was all too intense, and Luke would rather die than get up at six o'clock in the morning for it everyday.

Even though she was out of his league, Bryana was so sweet and Luke could see them being really good friends. Maybe even best friends. But, there was just something about her that he didn't understand. She was just...odd. Whatever it was, Luke knew it was going to keep him up at night whether he liked it or not. He had a knack for torturing himself with his own thoughts.

And then there was Calum. Calum was definitely something. He'd always been such a beautiful person, inside and out. There wasn't a thing he could do to make Luke hate him. They'd been friends for so long that the little conflicts didn't mean shit, and they both knew that nothing could destroy what they had.

Calum still didn't know everything about Luke, though. In fact, nobody knew everything about Luke. Hell, Luke himself didn't know everything about himself. He gave everyone different pieces of information, and no two people knew the same thing about him. That was how he liked it, though it was confusing. Nobody really knew who he was and maybe that was a good thing.

He had to eventually get over his fear of putting himself out there, especially if he wanted to start that punk band bad enough. That was another one of those things on the list he needed to work on. It seemed there would always be something that he needed to fix about himself, since the list was only getting longer with time.

Luke came to realize that he would always be socially fucked up. He found it so difficult to open up to anyone. He feared they'd use anything and everything against him in some way eventually. The people he went to school with were all kinds of fucked up, so he didn't put it past them. People in general always proved to be untrustworthy to him.

There were so many people Luke developed friend crushes on, but he never did anything about it. They either talked to him first, or they never talked at all. It definitely wasn't the most effective way to get friends. He didn't care; he felt safe when he wasn't surrounded by tons of "friends".

The seventeen year old was in a daze of isolation for too long. Some thought he was too comfortable in his own little bubble. He just thought it was a safe alternative to the bone crushing grip of friendships.

Luke calmly made his way around the school's ridiculously overpriced track one last time before he had to go in and change. He wasn't too keen on the concept of gym class, or the assholes he got stuck with in it. And if that wasn't bad enough already, it was only second period and he was forced outside into the humid morning air. His skin felt more smothering with each and every breath.

He took it upon himself to zone out again to make the time pass faster, but as soon as he did, he saw something out of the corner of his eye emerge from the away side of bleachers. The blonde lifted his head up to find a guy, around his age, poking his head out of the side, and smiling at him.

He stared for a little longer, when the boy stepped out of the bleachers a little more and discreetly ushered him over. Luke reckoned that this boy had the prettiest smile he'd seen in a while.

Maybe it was from the leftover adrenaline from running all period long, but something made Luke go over to him. He hoped silently that no one saw him, because if his mom got a call at work regarding her son ditching school to hang out with some pretty boy under the bleachers, she'd flip shit. She would definitely insult him, or she'd accuse him of being a druggie. The latter seemed more accurate, for the sole reason that she already suspected he was because of how he dressed.

She was wrong, as her assumptions always were.

Luke waved back to the curly headed boy and awkwardly jogged in his direction, only to nearly trip and fall face first on a tree root.

The other boy busted out laughing as Luke attempted to stop his face from resembling a tomato. He really needed to learn how to not blush over everything.

"Fucking tree root!" Luke made light of the situation at hand, but inside, he kind of wanted to disappear. Like seriously, when the fuck did that get there in the first place?

The arguably more emo of the two ducked his head so he didn't make an ass out of himself for the second time. That was all he needed; to scare this kid away and then he'd be lonely under the crummy school bleachers.

"Hey, I'm Ashton, but you can call me Ash if you'd like." Ashton introduced himself sweetly, complete with holding his hand out for Luke to shake it.

As Luke reached his hand out and grasped Ashton's, he couldn't help but think how weird this whole situation was, "And I'm Luke, nice to meet you, Ash. Please tell me you're not gonna try to sell me drugs," He joked.

Ashton giggled cutely, "No, no. I just saw you looking miserable and I thought you'd make good company."

Luke got a vibe from Ashton. He seemed like he was shy, but trying to overcome it somehow. The encounter seemed strangely forced and awkward, but not overwhelmingly so. Everything was odd and Luke wondered if anyone noticed he was gone yet. The class probably already went back inside.

A few moments of silence passed till Ashton decided to speak up, "You're probably wondering why I'm out here under...here. To be honest, I snuck out at the end of last period. I hate that place." He looked down and moved his black Converse clad foot around in the dirt. His tone had changed greatly, and Luke figured this was the real Ashton.

Luke looked at him, and not just a glance, he really analyzed him. He was actually tiny; all hair in his eyes and slightly faded black jeans wrinkled at his ankles. The taller boy felt the strong urge to shield this kid from all the bad in the world, despite just meeting him. He seemed like the type of person Luke would be friends with long term.

"Hey, I feel you. I hate this place too. It's only the what, fifth day? And I've already had enough for the entire year." Luke stopped himself from rambling, because he tended to do that in conversations, when he actually had them.

He sat down on the ground next to Ashton, relatively close to him. Ashton turned to his new acquaintance and smiled, though his face read that he was in absolute distress.

"Me too," Ashton breathed out and hugged his knees, much like a child would in time out.

Luke didn't expect to be sitting under the away side of the bleachers during school with a boy he just met that day. But then again, he never expected anything at all.


	4. four

The two teenage boys sat underneath the shelter of the bleachers for quite some time in silence, just letting the world spin and continue on without them. The classes they were supposed to be in were long forgotten; pushed to the back of their minds. They lived in the moment.

Luke didn't expect any of this. Everything that once seemed so small to him, like his predictions, now were at a much larger scale. He never really looked far enough ahead to think about what each day would have in store for him. The possibilities were limited in his mind. Luke's expectations were always so microscopic, and maybe he was going to do something to change that.

That turned into another thing on his list. Although it wasn't tangible; it was mental, and it still held the potential to make a difference. Perhaps he'd even get around to writing it down someday.

Life was throwing curveballs at him and he was almost reluctant to catch them. There was just something about Junior year that was significant enough for him to notice.

Luke thought it was strange, because he actually wanted more conversation between him and Ashton. Usually, he'd just stay quiet and attempt to think of an excuse to get him out of a social situation. This was so different already. That scared, yet intrigued him at the same time. Everything was changing.

"I'm a Junior, what year are you in?" Luke interrupted the silence shamelessly, for his impulse to get to know Ashton was beginning to take over.

Ashton was seemingly caught off guard, judging by the way his head snapped up, "Oh, me too. I'm new. I don't think we have any classes together because I don't really recognize you from anywhere."

Luke thought for a second, and wow, moving to a new school when you're so close to graduating must really fucking suck.

"Wow, that must be absolute shit. You only have two years left and you have all these new assholes to put up with." He said the words loaded with sympathy. It wasn't so clear if Ashton was the type to like it, though.

The curly headed boy, who by now was a bit fed up with himself and everything the world had to offer him so far, shook his head. He hated being at a new school.

"Yeah, it does. Maybe I just have a bad attitude when it comes to changes, but I hate it here already. Nothing is like I thought it would be and I'm really fucking disappointed with this place." Ashton spoke negatively; his voice oozing regret and repressed anger towards someone or something Luke wasn't familiar with. Whatever it was that made him feel this way, he hoped he'd eventually know, and not just for the sake of knowing. He cared.

The blonde emo could feel the tension radiating off of Ashton as he twirled his lip ring around and around with his tongue. Ashton just let his head tilt back, trying to admire the fact that he wasn't in class at that moment.

Luke sighed, "No, I know how you feel. This place is awful and I can't wait till I don't have to come here everyday. I'd like to drop out and start a band, actually."

Ashton's eyes lit up at the mention of starting a band. "Me too! My mom would never let me, though."

Luke smiled a real fucking smile, and he felt good about life for once. He watched Ashton lean his head back onto one of the poles that supported the weight of the bleachers. Judging by his body language, he was troubled and couldn't get a grip on anything. Maybe Luke caught him on a bad day, or maybe they were more alike than he thought.

Luke wanted nothing more than to help, but he knew that he was practically a stranger to this kid. Nothing he could do or say would make much of a difference to the boy next to him. That made him feel virtually powerless. He would still try, because he was trying to change.

Ashton shifted again. He turned his head and his eyes caught Luke's own, "You and me, Luke, we aren't so different."

"I agree," Luke said with the slightest amount of shock in his voice. No one ever said that to him, and he was beginning to think this was all a dream his lonely mind scripted.

Luke always felt alone. Despite the amount of presences, he always felt isolated. He became so accustomed to it that he began to think it was his destiny. To him, it didn't matter, but at the same time, it mattered so fucking much. He needed support, which he wasn't getting very much of in retrospect.

And it all fell silent again. Neither one of them wanted to say very much. The silence was so comfortable. It was something they both needed if they were going to survive the year.

It only continued on for a few more seconds, when Ashton admitted where his faulty lines lied.

"I hate being like this. I'm all outgoing and bubbly at first, but then I get insecure and crawl back into my shell. I don't know much about myself other than that. I'm socially fucked up and no matter how much I try to change that, I fail every fucking time." Ashton explained with half a frown on his face. Luke was debating whether or not to pinch himself, because he felt every single thing Ashton had just said.

It wasn't a dream; it was reality, but Luke couldn't get himself to believe it.

Luke was always one to get his hopes up too high and end up disappointed in the end. He held back every thought, every plan, and every minuscule insight of the future with Ashton he created in his head. As for fucking up, he was already too good at it and he really did not need more experience.

Luke toyed with the hem of his ugly gym uniform, "You know, this is probably going to sound crazy, but I feel the exact same. Lately I've been trying so fucking hard not to be so timid. Nothing is working and I'm stressed out because I'm not getting anywhere."

Ashton looked at him with such fondness and Luke swore he could fucking fly. People usually scared him but he noticed so quickly that Ashton was different. He was trying so hard to comprehend everything; his mind was racing with thoughts of all colors.

"You actually...understand, and I think I need to keep you around," Ashton replied, as he looked right through Luke.

-

Jack and Alex were leaving their shared Physics class when they realized.

"Wait, where the fuck did Hemmings go? Wasn't he in gym last period?" Alex almost stopped in his tracks, but decided it would be better to keep walking, so there wouldn't be a pile up in the crowded hallway.

Jack looked around like he'd find Luke just by scanning the hallway, "I don't know, it wasn't my turn to babysit. Did it really take us an entire period to notice?"

"Guess so. He's a big boy though, he probably just ditched for the rest of the day. Maybe Calum knows where he went."

The pair arrived to their dreaded Chemistry class, highly considered taking a much deserved nap, instead of notes. They took their seats, which were adjacent from one another. Jack got out his things for the lesson and tapped Calum on the shoulder, making him turn around swiftly.

"Hey, Cal, where the hell did Luke go?" Jack inquired about Luke's whereabouts, simply because he was genuinely worried that the tall noodle would get himself in some shit.

Calum's face contorted a bit, "I have no clue what you're on about...what did he do this time?"

Alex chimed in, but not with a haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door, because he didn't consider himself to be Brendon Urie. "He miraculously disappeared after gym and we didn't notice until five minutes ago."

Calum fully turned his body this time, and judging by the look on his face, he was unsurprised.

"He probably went home, knowing him. He hasn't been himself since Monday, when you guys wouldn't stop fucking picking on him," Calum said, fully aware of the fact that he was making them feel guilty about the happenings of the beginning of the week.

Jack and Alex just nodded, as the teacher started talking about the elements, or something like that. They felt kind of bad for fucking up Luke's first day, and they hoped he was at home; safe and not arrested or dead.

-

"I wanna leave, but all my shit's in my gym locker and I don't know if I can get back in," Luke thought out loud, and safe to say, he was in a predicament.

He was keen to take part in Ashton's plan of going back to his house and just chilling for the rest of the day. After all, it was Friday, and they were both incredibly exhausted. Immediately when he proposed this idea, Luke wanted to do nothing more. He almost forgot entirely about his backpack, which contained his cell phone and his MP3 player; two things he felt lost without.

However, Ashton had his important belongings on him, since he actually planned on ditching school.

"Shit, I guess we'll have to find a way in then," Ashton stated the obvious, because there was no way in hell Luke would leave all of his stuff in there and risk his mother finding out that he ditched. He was going to cover up his tracks, like a smart person would do.

Ashton didn't know his way around the school very well, so he was relying on Luke to find an entrance somehow. He silently prayed to whatever deity would listen that his new blonde friend wouldn't get them caught.

The two left the shelter of the bleachers and made their way back to the school. The walk was short, but it felt a lot longer due to the worry that was present in both their heads.

"I think I know a place to get in where we won't be seen," Luke admitted after a couple minutes of quiet.

Ashton sighed with what he hoped could be relief, "Alright, let's hurry the fuck up then, before the period ends and there's people everywhere."

"Getting bossy, are we?" Luke joked, though he understood Ashton's worry.

"Shut up, I just really don't feel like getting grounded today because my mom found out that I ditched school," Ashton laughed, half at Luke's dorky comment, and half at his pathetic reasoning.

Luke nodded and looked over at the shorter boy walking next to him, "Are your parents really strict?"

"My mom? Yeah, I guess. She has to be. I blame my siblings. I've never met my dad," Ashton confessed without a stutter. He felt he could be open with Luke, so he took advantage of that rare opportunity.

They were nearing the door that Luke heard was always unlocked, for whatever reason.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I won't bring that up if that's a sensitive topic to you." Luke truly felt bad for making Ashton talk about that kind of thing, despite the fact that it wasn't his fault.

Ashton weakly smiled, "It's fine, really. I've come to accept it."

Luke looked around to make sure no one saw them, and then turned the doorknob. Thankfully, it opened, to both their advantages.

"Where does this go to?" Ashton asked, suddenly skeptical of the unknown.

"It's a janitor's closet, and it has a door to open outside for some reason. I overheard a conversation last year about it," The blonde explained as he felt up the wall for a light switch.

Ashton followed Luke close behind, fearing what could happen. Hiding behind the taller boy made him feel a little better.

"Well, I'm glad you heard that."

"Shh! Whisper," Luke reminded, causing Ashton to roll his eyes.

The light took a few seconds to turn on, and it flickered as it did so. The newly introduced light revealed several mop buckets, broken desks, and other items that were of no use to two teenage boys who were about to ditch for the rest of the day.

"Alright, let's get out of here and in the hallway as fast as possible," Luke muttered softly, getting across the small closet and flipping the switch on the other side to turn the light off.

"Wait, check if anyone's out there first," Ashton suggested, or maybe commanded is the better word choice. Still, he clung to the other boy's side for safety purposes.

Luke opened the door enough so he could see. He peeked out, seeing a teacher at the end of the hallway.

He turned back, "There's a teacher, but she's turned around. As long as we're quiet, we'll make it."

"Okay, let's go then," Ashton nudged Luke with his hand, telling him to move.

The two quietly made their way out of the janitor's closet, trying their very best not to look suspicious. It's not everyday that you see students emerge out of the janitor's closets, at least not at their school.

They rounded the corner of the hall, where the gym locker room was, and entered. Luke put his hands up and cheered silently, earning quite a face from Ashton.

"You're a huge dork," Ashton observed out loud, and yes, he was correct.

Luke giggled softly in response, going over a few rows to find his locker. He entered his combination slowly, since he wasn't used to the new locks they were given. Finally opening, he retrieved his backpack and turned back to Ashton.

"Let's get out of here."

-

The walk to Ashton's house was nice, Luke reckoned. The weather was near perfect. It wasn't quite fall, but summer hadn't ended yet, so it was still delightfully warm. The sun was on their backs and it was such a nice feeling.

They talked about music the whole time, and Luke learned that Ashton was really fucking cool. He liked Taking Back Sunday, The Killers, Something Corporate, and My Chemical Romance. Luke still couldn't believe any of this was real. No one in his town ever talked, or even knew about those bands. They all liked the charting hits and artists.

When they arrived at Ashton's house, Luke couldn't help but watch fondly as he fumbled with his keys to unlock the door. He was adorably flustered.

"My mom comes home around five and my siblings around three," Ashton informed his new friend, for no reason in particular.

With Luke behind Ashton this time, they walked into the empty house. Ashton grabbed Luke's wrist subtly, leading him up the stairs to his room. It was almost like a reflex, but not quite. Every bit of contact was intended.

Luke was glad that Ashton was faced away from him, because he felt his face heat up immediately.

His room matched his style, for sure. It was covered in band posters, so many that they were collaged together from the top of the wall opposite of the bed, to the bottom. There was a drum kit in the corner of the room that looked like it was played and loved endlessly.

"Holy shit, you play drums?" Luke asked enthusiastically, though the answer was obvious.

Ashton giggled; the sound so heavenly against the grain of silence, "Yeah, I do."

"I play guitar, but I'm not that great though."

"Lies. I bet you're great, you have that guitarist look to you," Ashton said as he sat down on the edge of his bed.

Luke was in the process of looking through his bag to find his phone, "Thanks?"

"I'm serious!" Ashton exclaimed, feeling so comfortable that he fell backwards into his bed.

Luke found his phone, checking it while he asked, "Hey, I have to change out of these shitty gym clothes and-"

"Just change in here, I won't look, I swear," Ashton cut in, making Luke raise his eyebrows.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

Luke reluctantly started changing, taking off his shirt first. And Ashton wanted to look so bad, but he didn't.


	5. five

Once Luke was done changing, he turned back to Ashton, who was still laid out on his bed. He appeared to still have his eyes closed as well, which made Luke grin. It wasn't every day that he was in these types of situations, in fact, he never was. Ashton was truly something. He made everything seem so different; a good kind of different though, the kind that held a promising future.

"Is it weird that I trust you already?" Luke asked, standing over the other boy who looked a lot like he was falling asleep.

The sudden question made Ashton open his eyes, seeing the blonde boy hovering over him just a bit.

"I don't know, I guess everyone trusts on their own terms," He answered back whilst making eye contact with Luke. He beat around the bush, truly because he didn't know what to say. This newfound situation had him second guessing everything he once said, and he wasn't so sure he understood himself anymore.

Putting it that way made Ashton wonder how significant that day would remain, or not. He was young, just seventeen, so he couldn't tell if anything that held any meaning to him at the moment would even be worth getting nostalgic over in the distant future. It was so confusing, but more surreal than anything.

Ashton seemed worlds away; lost inside his own head. Luke was nothing but overly cautious, testing the waters in the new friendship.

"Ash, are you alright?" Luke asked another question, and it was another question that Ashton would have trouble answering.

Despite that, he spoke without ponder or a filter for his unmistakably troubled thoughts, "Most of the time, no. I daydream a lot. I think a lot and I worry about things too much. It's whatever."

And he stared up at his bedroom ceiling like he always did when he confessed things, except this time, he said it out loud with another person in the room. Things were changing, and once they start changing, they don't stop until lives are shape shifted.

But Luke was different, they both silently swore. That, and this wasn't like anything either of them experienced before. It was a complete contrast of life before one another. The only not so blatant fact being: they didn't know where any of this would take them. Nothing was promised, especially not a future.

Little did they both know, they were hiding a crippling fear from each other: the fear of being close to other people. It didn't make sense, since they already seemed to be interested in each other's company. The fear was rooted far more on the long term end of things. The little details that people learn about you over time, that's what scared them. Neither of them wanted someone to know them in depth, because depth means attachment, and attachment is deadly.

Ashton's words hung in the air for quite some time. Luke was taken back by his answer, he didn't know what to say. He never knew.

"You know, I'm here now...if you need to talk about anything." Luke mustered up the strength to say words that were intended to mean something, but he just felt himself fall short. The confidence he had before was drastically depleting, and fuck, he felt so stupid. He did his best to chase those negative thoughts away, because he wanted to change more than anything else.

Ashton invited Luke to lay on his bed next to him by a hand gesture, finding that words wouldn't push themselves out of his mouth. He felt trapped in his own body; it was but a mere vessel to show that he was real.

And Luke complied, brushing against the other boy as he did so. His heart nearly leapt out of his chest just from that, and he reckoned that it was the fear acting up again, letting him know that he can't get too close. It was impossible to ignore; the way it constantly kept him on high alert.

Ashton must've noticed Luke's shiver, "Are you cold?" He turned his head and asked, genuinely concerned because it was the beginning of September.

"Oh, uh, no...I'm alright." Luke tried to speak once again and it ended in him hating himself even more. Maybe it would be better if he just shut his mouth. He honestly didn't feel in control of it anymore, and he wanted control badly.

Ashton noticed everything, including his fluctuating confidence. He didn't say anything, though. He hardly ever voiced his thoughts. Luke showed all the signs of being a nervous little fuck, and it didn't take much observing to figure that out. So he decided it was better to keep quiet, than to start an argument with his new friend.

Time ticked slower when it was silent, so Luke found himself asking a bold question, "What are you afraid of?"

The question was rather spontaneous, but then again, so was everything that their shiny new friendship was built on. It all seemed to be relative. Still, that didn't make the answers piling up in Ashton's brain any easier to sort through: loss, people, crowds, the things he saw out of the corner of his eye, and so much more that was hitting the walls of his brain at too high of a speed.

"Everything, almost everything." Ashton replied so emotionally, it all felt like a movie, except it was far from that.

"Why?" Fuck, Luke asked way too many questions.

Ashton hesitated, "I've always been this way, I've always been afraid of everything. I don't even know how to explain it, I just, fuck-"

"Look, it's alright. I just wanted to get to know you better, but some of that comes with time, I guess." Luke could tell that Ashton was getting uncomfortable, and that was the exact opposite of his intention. He found it so hard to be a nice person to spend time with. He always felt like he was being too invasive.

"Yeah, I guess."

Ashton's plain ceiling became memorizing after that, and especially to two sleep deprived teenagers. The white color soon faded to the color of the inside of their eyelids; black as the nights they stayed up too late dreaming of better lives.

-

Calum had snuck into the bathroom with his phone and called Luke a grand total of fourteen times, but no matter how high he made that number climb, there was no voice on the other end. He never did this; Luke always had his phone on and near him. It was worrying him greatly, since he miraculously disappeared during gym. Nothing made sense and Calum was about to give up.

He hoped and prayed that he was okay, and that what had been said to him days prior didn't get to him too much. He knew Luke; he knew of his tendencies to overthink and ponder the small, insignificant things. Perhaps Calum was the one to overthink this time.

Because little did he know, Luke was perfectly content, napping next to someone he just met. The scene was purely innocent, but if Calum saw it out of context, he'd assume the worst; that being a fuck with a random stranger. He wasn't against that kind of thing, he just wanted the best for Luke, like always.

It seemed that the search for Luke lasted all day, and to no avail. The search for Ashton was non existent, since he was new and nobody knew him. He thought of that as an advantage.

When ninth period rolled around, the three gave up officially. They decided not to baby the seventeen year old, and figured he'd show up eventually. That, and nobody quite had the energy for much of anything at 2:30 p.m.

The last bell rang, causing mass chaos in the cramped hallways. Calum was putting the remaining piles of useless textbook bullshit in his locker when he saw Alex approaching.

"Hey, I've gotta talk to you, mind staying at my place for...I don't know. I just need to talk about something. Nothing bad, or about you, don't worry." Alex rambled, which was something he didn't do very often. The look on his face read 'emotional wreck ready to explode', and Calum was a little concerned.

"Yeah, that's fine. No problem-wait, where's Jack?" Calum slammed his locker shut, suddenly aware of Jack's absence.

Alex looked lost without him, and fuck, Calum was taking so long to put the pieces together. "He left already, I told him I was going to find you."

Calum just nodded, and started the rather short journey to Alex's house. He slid his phone out of his pocket, flipping open to the screen and shooting his mom a quick text to tell her where he'd be. She wouldn't mind, and Calum was thankful to have a chill mom. Some people weren't as lucky.

"It's about Jack, that's why I didn't want him to come with," Alex admitted after they walked through the lobby doors. It felt taboo to say his name to someone else for some odd reason. He felt like he was back in eight grade and talking shit.

"Really?" Calum seemed rather confused by this confession at first, then he remembered that Alex said it wasn't anything bad. Interesting.

Alex hesitated, watching how his feet made contact with the crumbling sidewalk. He couldn't back down now, no, not after inviting Calum over to talk about the very thing he was becoming increasingly afraid to admit. Being vague was easy enough, but actually finding the words to describe such a thing, now that was a different story.

"Yeah, I-I...I'll tell you, just let me gather my thoughts first." Alex was so close to visibly shaking, because all of this mattered so much. This was him admitted what he felt, and he reckoned that it didn't get much harder than this. Anything was easier than talking about feelings.

Calum visibly relaxed himself, afraid of making Alex break. It was clear that he was anxious, and pushing himself to say something when all he wanted to be was quiet. He wasn't the type to break often, so when he did, it was ugly and hopelessly destructive. Calum never wanted to see him in such a state ever again.

Before Calum could say something vaguely reassuring, they reached Alex's house. He pulled his house key out of his shallow pocket and opened the door to the typical empty house silence. It was high in contrast to the likes of his head, which was raging with the noise of thoughts. He was ready to make it stop, if admitting it would even put a stop to it at all. The boy could only hope.

Alex put down his backpack by the door and went straight to his kitchen to make some coffee, because he was well aware of what was about to go down. He needed to be caffeinated.

Calum followed him, also putting down his things and watching as he somewhat frantically prepared the coffee maker, "Are you okay? You're acting really fucking strange and I just want to know what's going on so I can h-"

He was cut off by Alex, who had just turned on said coffee maker, and turned around to face Calum, "No, I'm not fucking okay. I like Jack, alright? I can't deal being stuck with the thought anymore. I had to say something...or I'd go fucking insane. I don't even care if you tell him, I just couldn't deal with it any longer."

His hands were behind his back, gripping to the countertop like his life depended on it. Maybe he did it to feel stable, or maybe he didn't know why he was absolutely freaking out over something so middle school-esque. He could never tell.

Perhaps it wasn't as middle school as he thought it was. He never felt anything like this before, it was so unexplainable and it drove him crazy enough to talk about it. Talking about it made it real, and he was still unsure as to how the thoughts in his head made him reach this point. It started out as a silent thing, like all feelings do, and it became too loud for Alex's head.

Calum was stunned into silence, not expecting any of it. He figured it was better to stay quiet, though, since Alex obviously wasn't done explaining. Still, he kept a soft expression on his face.

"Lately I've been feeling different towards Jack, like I just - I have feelings for him, and I don't know what to do. I didn't even know I liked guys until this whole thing started...I need advice. I don't know how to fucking handle this, let alone if I can even handle it at all." Alex seemed to deflate once all the pent up words were let out, and maybe he felt better now that he wasn't alone with these thoughts. He wouldn't admit that.

Calum just stood there, in Alex's coffee-scented kitchen, way more astounded than he should have been. He'd never been the best at analyzing body language and tones of voices.

He stepped forward, close enough to meet the other boy's eyes in a meaningful manner. Grabbing his shoulders, "Alex, listen. It's okay. You can't really control who you like. Jack is a nice guy, I'm sure this won't wreck your friendship. Who knows, maybe he feels the same way about you," Calum said while looking directly into his friend's eyes. That was something he never did, not unless he meant the words he spoke, and he did.

Alex relaxed, and Calum let go of his shoulders. He wanted so badly to disagree, but deep down, he knew Calum was right.

"Alright, I just need to calm down. I fucking hate getting like this, I feel so emotional and vulnerable. Are you gonna help me if I need it?" Alex sighed, letting go of the countertop and searching for a mug that was mildly embarrassing.

"Positive, I want this to work out for you."

Little did Calum know, he would be doing his fair share of relationship counseling that year.

-

Luke woke up next to Ashton very confused and disoriented. It took several seconds for him to realize what had actually happened on that day, like what he did and how he'd be in so much shit if he didn't get his ass moving as soon as humanly possible.

He nudged the boy next to him, not before admiring his sleeping form in the non-creepiest way he could manage. He would even go as far as saying that he was a cute sleeper. Okay, maybe he wouldn't actually say that, but it was the thought that counted.

He didn't even know what time it was, all he knew was that he needed to be home, and preferably very soon.

Ashton slowly sat up and looked around, also disoriented from the unplanned nap he took. He had a love hate relationship with the feeling he always had after he woke from a nap.

He came to, remembering that Luke had to be home and not sleeping at his house.

"You have to go soon," Ashton stated, sounding considerably sad, as he rubbed his eyes and tousled his hair.

Luke smiled at him, wishing he was still asleep and unaware of everything, "Yeah, I know."

The blonde packed up his things in a hurry, and he was almost ready to walk out the door when Ashton walked back over to him with a piece of paper in hand.

"Here's my number, you can call or text me whenever honestly. I don't really have a life," Ashton intended to sound funny, but he just ended up sounding lonely and so fucking sad.

Luke finished tying his shoe, standing back up again and taking the paper from Ashton. He smiled, "I definitely will."


	6. six

Luke called Ashton that night.

And the next.

They talked a lot after that.

Luke could tell he was getting attached, after all, he never had someone get him as well as Ashton did. He was intelligent and conscientious, but not overly so. He rebelled against authority enough times to consider himself a punk and that was about it. Rule following is always optional.

Being around him calmed Luke down a lot. He felt comfortable with Ashton; like nothing was worth worrying about while he was with him. He assumed that was the reason why he was starting to forget about his homework a lot, not that it actually mattered. It was when they parted that he felt strangely alone and insecure. He knew that wasn't supposed to happen; he wasn't supposed to feel like that after being with someone for a little while.

The alarms in his head weren't going off like they'd normally do, and Luke was getting worried that he no longer could tell when he was getting too attached to a person. He'd be lying if he said that the thought of that didn't scare the shit out of him. It did, very much so that he felt stuck and questioned every move he made.

Having lectures in school only made him think about it even more. All he did was sit there and pretend to take extensive notes to "study" later. Luke didn't actually care, and since when would he need Chemistry if he wasn't going to be a Chemist anyway? He never understood that. It was a huge waste of time in his mind.

Luke's parents were going to notice the drop in grades sooner or later. His grades were never perfect, he had a habit of just trying enough so that he didn't fail. Surely, that was enough to graduate. He wasn't aware of how much they checked them online, but he knew he didn't have much time until they'd confront him about it. He dreaded the thought of it.

School didn't matter much to him. It made him feel like absolute garbage most days, if he was honest. However, he started making an attempt to save himself and tried his best instead of the bare minimum, so his parents wouldn't notice. That didn't change the fact that he really didn't care all that much about school in its entirety.

The aforementioned emo and insecure seventeen year old didn't have the slightest clue what he wanted to do with his life. He knew very little about himself; his fear of most things tended to overshadow it all in a childish type of way. He felt so behind in life already, since most kids his age had their licenses and jobs and all he had was a LiveJournal account and an MP3 player full of illegally downloaded music.

Luke wanted to be someone, someone important and successful. He wanted to start a band in the worst way. It saddened him that it was out of reach at that particular moment. He hoped that one day he would get his chance.

He felt stuck though, because being seventeen is like being stood in front of a brick wall for an entire year. You can see over the wall, where everyone is matured and independent. You're almost a legal adult, like the ones on the other side of the wall, but not quite. You can't do a lot of things still, and the things you can do seem terrifying, so you avoid them. It's a never ending loop that Luke was hopelessly caught up in, and he was hopelessly hopeful that someday he'd get out of it.

Most days he made an attempt to fool himself; imagining himself on the other side of that wall. It was far too easy to pretend, after all.

-

Ashton's mom never did find out about him ditching school with Luke, to his advantage. She always had her hands full, it seemed, with his two younger siblings still being needy despite being in middle school. He often felt alone, but he didn't mind it much. The lack of attention just translated to more time to spend playing his drums, which wasn't such a bad compromise after all.

He often felt he had the world in his little room. It was small and it made him feel so safe, like nothing could hurt him there. Ashton loved being alone far more than the average person, but that changed after he met Luke. As of recent, he loved being alone with Luke. It was something like a happy medium.

Luke was his only close friend at school, and it was unfortunate that they didn't have a single class together. They had the same lunch period, though Ashton didn't know if it was okay to sit there with Luke and all of his friends. He didn't know them and he was a bit scared of them.

It was Saturday, and Ashton was alone in his room with close to nothing to do. He could play drums or write a song for the band he wasn't in, but he didn't really feel up to it. He wondered what Luke was doing. It wasn't creepy or odd to him, he just really cared. Maybe a bit too much at that.

The seventeen year old rummaged blindly in his bed for his phone that he swore he had five seconds ago, and his hand finally found it beneath the bedcovers. How it got there, he didn't know. He clicked the down button only a couple times, the phone beeping until he came to Luke's contact. The call button seemed to taunt him, all lit up in red and the only thing keeping him from hearing Luke's voice, perhaps.

Ashton wondered if he'd even answer, after all, he could be busy or out somewhere. Despite the likelihood of that, he worried and didn't want to bother his friend.

Maybe he was debating it way too much; thinking through life instead of feeling. Ashton always did the same things, over and over.

He ended up pressing the call button, heart beating far too fast for this to just be a regular phone call. Then again, what was considered a regular phone call? The seventeen year old pondered that in his head until the ringing stopped and he heard Luke's voice on the other end.

-

Luke's phone vibrated against his desk. Being too lazy to check the caller ID, he answered, "Hello?"

Ashton thought that was rather odd, but pushed the thoughts back, "Hey, it's Ash, how are you?"

He heard Luke laugh softly on the line, "You're so proper on the phone, what the fuck. Do I need to step up my game or?"

"I'm not that sophisticated, fuck. See, I just said fuck. And again. Fuck." Ashton giggled, and god, he couldn't help but wonder why he felt so relaxed with Luke.

Luke smiled, because Ashton seemed to be able to make him do that more than anyone else. "True, very true. But to answer your previous question, I'm fine. I'm a little stressed over schoolwork at the moment, but I'm alright I guess. What about you?"

Ashton heard the movement of books and various other things, possibly the schoolwork that was questionably getting worked on. He knew of Luke's relationship with school, or more accurately, the lack of.

"I don't really know. I'm bored out of my mind right now and that's actually why I called you. I half assed all my homework and now I'm kind of wishing I didn't." He admitted, toying with the seams of his comforter.

"Hey, you can come over and help me with mine if you'd like. I could use the company anyway." Luke offered, and Ashton was quite frankly over the moon.

Ashton got out of bed to put on his sneakers, holding the phone with his face and shoulder. "A distraction, more like! But yeah, that sounds good. I'll be over soonish?"

"Alright! See you."

-

"I don't know what to tell him. I just really like him and I don't know how to go about this. I don't want to look like a fucking idiot!" Alex was rambling to Calum yet again, and this was slowly becoming a daily thing.

Calum just wanted them to confess their stupid feelings to each other and date already, because he was rather tired of listening to Alex talk about Jack non-fucking-stop for countless days. But, he did promise Alex advice, so he kind of put himself directly in the middle of the mess. The raven haired boy damned himself for being so nice and welcoming all the time.

"I told you, just get him alone and talk to him. Tell him everything you're telling me. Be honest, that'll get you far. You know, you're overthinking all this." Calum muttered, after all, they were in public. It was fairly common to see people from school at the basketball court.

Alex felt like such an angsty ball of teenage garbage. In fact, he was.

He started pacing, "It's harder than you think. What if he hates me after I tell him? What if he's weirded out by it and doesn't want to associate himself with me anymore?"

Calum stopped in front of him so he couldn't pace anymore, Alex's eyes met his. "Jack may act like an asshole at times, but deep down, he's a good person. You already know that, these feelings are just making you paranoid. I would honestly be surprised if he acted out like that."

"I-I...guess you're right. Fuck, how do you give such good advice on this stuff?" Alex inquired, genuinely curious, because that kind of advice doesn't come from nowhere.

"Um, well, I like to read a lot of psychology stuff online. I think it's fucking cool." He admitted for the first time out loud, and it felt strange to talk about it since he never really did.

Alex grinned, "You should be a psychologist, and then you can help me with my problems for free!"

"Fuck no, you're giving me free tickets to your shows in exchange, asshole." Calum knew he was joking, but he just had a feeling that Alex would go far with his music someday.

"Ugh, fine." Alex replied, Jack temporarily leaving his mind. He felt somewhat relaxed, which wasn't a common feeling for him. He was almost always on edge because of the whole Jack thing.

They began walking home, or somewhere that resembled it. Home was relative to them. It was getting dark; the sky fading from light blue to bright orange in several minutes time. Mid-September was subtly unkind, for the air turned crisp with the color changing sky.

Calum interrupted the silence, "So, are you gonna talk to Jack or are you letting this go, hoping that your feelings will miraculously fade into mid air?"

Alex looked up to the gradient sky, thinking about what Calum said. He desperately wanted to avoid this entire situation, but he knew he wouldn't get far in life if he avoided everything that scared him. Still, even with that thought in his head, he wanted to dismiss his own feelings.

"I...I guess I'll talk to him. I'm terrified of the outcome and I need to prepare myself for the absolute worst." Alex reverted his eyes to the side of Calum's face. He caught the expression he made when he processed what he said. The shorter of the two could tell that he was about to get a lecture on giving up, or some shit along those lines.

Calum sighed, wishing he could help directly somehow. "Don't be so negative, I'll fucking kick his ass if he's mean to you. Not that there's much of a chance that'll happen or anything. Just know that I'll stand up for you if you need me to. In any situation, not just this one."

Alex smiled, feeling just a little bit better about the entire situation at hand. Maybe it would be alright, like Calum suggested.

-

Ashton arrived at Luke's door in a few minutes. In that amount of time, he thought about how small this new town really was, and what he'd give to move back to his old town. He may have complained about it while he was there, but he was slowly realizing how much better off he was there.

His instinct rang the doorbell for him, or so it seemed. Sometimes, he didn't feel in control of his actions. He just did things and they had outcomes. God, he really had to stop that.

Luke heard the doorbell ring from his upstairs bedroom, and began rushing down the stairs in a very unsafe manner. He honestly had no chill, especially when it came to Ashton.

The door swung backwards, nearly hitting Luke in the face, "Fuck-hey! You almost witnessed me hit myself with my own front door, so I guess this is already off to a great start!" He exclaimed, and odd enough, rather happily.

Ashton giggled, his signature response to the stupid things Luke managed to do. It was so easy to be himself with the blonde boy.

"You're such an idiot," He said, playful and relaxed. He walked through the door and everything felt okay.

"Yeah, true." Luke uttered with a grin in return, and they made their way to Luke's room.

Ashton walked into his room and sat on the floor with Luke, who ditched his comfortable desk chair after moving his books. It was better on the floor with Ashton, anyway.

They sat opposite of each other, close enough to hear the other breathe. It was incredibly difficult to concentrate, as Luke kept getting distracted by the way Ashton's hair fell in his face. There was just something so enticing about it. Ashton noticed, he noticed so much that it physically pained him. It wasn't exactly evident where the ache was coming from. He didn't understand it, and he couldn't no matter how much he contemplated it.

It's the closeness. He repeated like a mantra in his mind for no reason at all, other than to calm himself down. He always had a hard time managing his emotions.

Luke continued to pretend to care about his homework, and Ashton pretended that he wasn't so aware of the way Luke's eyes wouldn't leave his face for several seconds at a time. It was drilling holes into Ashton's conscientious mind; blurring the lines between wrong and right just enough for him to speak, "Is everything alright?"

"Uh...yeah, I don't understand how to do this problem, though." Luke was snapped out of his trance, and fuck, he felt as if that was Ashton's way of calling him out for staring. He didn't know if he should apologize or not.

Luke dismissed it, trying to focus on what Ashton was saying about mathematical functions instead of dwelling on the unimportant. That proved to be quite the challenge, as he was only half listening.

"So, you have to find the x axis before anything else. Got it?" Ashton asked, giving Luke his notebook and pencil back.

Luke nodded, as he began to attempt the calculus homework he'd rather set fire to than actually complete. All was well until he heard the front door unlocking, meaning his parents were home, and shit. He didn't tell Ashton that he was technically grounded because of his absolute garbage grades. He had to think fast.

"Is that your-" Luke slapped his hand over Ashton's mouth, earning the most confused and generally petrified look from him.

With his hand still covering Ashton's mouth, he whispered, "They don't know you're here, and I'm grounded. I missed you and I wanted to see you, so that's why I didn't tell you beforehand."

He let him go for a second while he decided what method he was going to use to get out of this one.

"Luke, I'm flattered but-"

"Quick, hide in my closet!" Luke was whisper-yelling now, and getting more and more nervous as he heard the sound of car keys hitting the kitchen countertop.

"Excuse me?" Ashton was shocked, safe to say.

Luke's heartbeat picked up even more. "Go, now!"

Ashton hurried over to his closet door, opening it as quietly as he could manage. He was so thankful that Luke had a walk-in closet, for some odd reason. Small spaces made him nauseous.

He was crammed up against a bunch of Luke's clothes, in the dark, and the entire space smelt like him. Ashton was low-key enjoying it, because there were just some things he didn't want to admit to himself.

Luke stayed on the floor with all his school stuff spread out, making it look like he was hard at work. He started writing down more math problems when he heard footsteps on the stairs. He reckoned it was his mum, and indeed it was.

Liz walked through the doorway of her son's room, completely unaware of the other teenage boy in her son's closet. No big deal. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

"Good, you're working on your homework. I want to see better grades, Luke. I know you can do better than what you've been doing lately." She spoke, almost sounding angry.

Luke looked up from his calculus homework, and had to fight back the urge to sigh. "I'm trying my best, mum."

"Bullshit. You sit and play on the computer all hours of the night and blast music. That, and hang out with your dumb friends. I wish you'd try like you used to." Every word she said made Luke feel like fucking shit. There was nothing he hated more than when she harped on him about his grades.

Meanwhile, Ashton could hear everything. It was getting real difficult to refrain from stepping in. Though he knew he couldn't, that didn't change the fact that he wanted to. He hated to see someone get knocked down by their own parents, especially Luke. He was so fragile and prone to getting upset over things like this.

Imagining the look on Luke's face upset him even more, and his knuckles were white around one of Luke's shirts.

There was a small window of silence, and then Luke began to reply. "High school is a lot harder than middle school. I'm trying my fucking best, why is that not good enough for you?"

Ashton shivered. He could feel the tension coming from the other side of the door, and it was killing him.

"You don't try Luke, believe me, I know. If you don't start trying now, you're not getting into a good college and you'll be living on the streets, because you sure as hell aren't living here all your life." Liz sounded so cold, unwilling to accept the fact that her son was doing (almost) everything in his power to make good grades.

"Who the fuck said I have to go to college and be a god damn honor roll student to be successful in life? Get the fuck out of my room!" Luke was furious. Ashton could tell he wasn't sitting on the floor anymore by the soft thud of his feet against the floor.

Liz showed no emotion, just a compassionless face; made of stone. "Good luck with that. I'm so disappointed in you."

With that, she left. Luke slammed and locked the door behind her. He hated this: the way he felt defeated by his own mother. She always discouraged him when she wasn't satisfied with his grades, which was all the time. She wouldn't be satisfied until he had all A's.

Luke walked over to his closet door with tears threatening to fall into his cheeks; self pity swirling in his head. He hated that, too. He opened the door slowly, revealing Ashton wearing a sympathetic expression.

Ashton stepped forward, taking the chance to meet Luke's eyes, "I-I'm sorry...I wish you didn't have to deal with that. I just-"

"Don't apologize, please." Luke murmured, stepping even closer to the other boy. Their eye contact didn't break, not even for a second. The height difference between the two made it all so much more intense.

Ashton's body acted upon instinct for the second time that day. He leaned forward and put his arms around Luke, confusing the taller boy at first. His arms wrapped around him in response, rather delayed, but good enough. Luke squeezed him, and let his tears fall.

Ashton smelled like comfort, and Luke wasn't afraid to admit that to himself. He let one of his hands trail up his spine; no skin on skin contact, but intimate enough to feel similar. Luke shivered under his touch and Ashton sighed into his chest. It all felt so natural, like nothing was in the way.

It was then, in that very moment, that Luke realized this was something he couldn't just throw away.


	7. seven

"Jack, can we talk?" Alex asked, and holy fuck; he couldn't believe the moment he'd been dreading was going to happen in a few seconds. He mulled over what to say something like way too many times, and he considered himself as prepared as he'd ever be.

Jack looked up from his fingers, which were on his guitar strings. He was in the process of learning a new song, and it proved to be a lot harder than he expected. "Yeah, what about?"

Alex shifted awkwardly across from him. His own guitar was set aside, temporarily forgotten about due to their previous conversations about nothing important. He wanted to pick it up again so he could have something to do with his hands when the words leave his mouth. Maybe he could toy with his fringe instead.

"I-I...never mind. It's not that important." Alex tried to sound convincing, but failed miserably. His voice was tremulous, and Jack noticed how Alex sounded like he was restraining himself from saying what he wanted to. It had been too obvious of a clue, perhaps.

"No, no. Don't fucking do that. It's obviously important to you." Jack replied, quitting his effort to get his fingers to remember the guitar chords via muscle memory. Instead, they transitioned to a familiar pattern of movement; a song that they both knew and loved. His digits glided across the fretboard like they were born to do just that.

Jack's words and actions stunned Alex into silence. Of course it was important to him, or else he wouldn't be so afraid to admit it. He wanted to say it, and feel relief as the words left his mouth. There always had to be a downfall, and this time, it was the fact that there was a possibility of everything falling apart in no time. It was only a possibility, and yet it completely stopped Alex from going through with his decision to reveal his secret. He couldn't even imagine a good outcome. He had been far too blinded by the bad.

Alex felt restrained by himself. He found it so difficult to admit it, because he knew it would change things; he wasn't so sure he wanted change. Maybe Jack wasn't worth it, or maybe he was.

Jack made eye contact with him, and when he saw the face of pure distress that Alex was making, he appeared increasingly concerned. "You don't have to tell me, Alex. I won't make you. I can just tell it's bothering you, and I don't want it to burden you." He added as an afterthought to what he previously said. His guitar playing got significantly softer; only the quietest strum audible.

"The thing is, I want to...but I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen. I guess I don't want anything to change." Alex told his best friend, and he felt better already, even though he'd been a little too vague. His chest felt odd as he entered territory he never thought he would.

Jack put down his guitar, wanting to fully focus his attention on Alex. He mattered more. He moved closer to him, which caused Alex to nearly die right there in the process. If only Jack wasn't unaware of that. "And why are you scared?" He asked.

Alex took an awkward breath, sort of resembling a sigh. "Because it matters a whole fucking lot. I tried to ignore it, but that didn't work. God, I'm so fucked." With that, he put his head in his hands, fully realizing what he was getting himself into.

Jack was so lost. He had no idea what Alex was talking about, and that made him feel like such an outsider. They would tell each other everything, so why was Alex so afraid of what he obviously never told him before? Jack moved even closer to him. Personal boundaries were thrown out the window as he put his arm around Alex's slumped shoulders.

That action had Alex blushing, all teenage and love-struck. He continued to hide his face suspiciously.

"Alex, talk to me. Please?" Jack wasn't pleading, he was just getting more and more worried as time ticked on. He couldn't imagine what it was that Alex had been keeping from him.

There was silence, and the overwhelming awareness of Jack's touch that Alex couldn't shake. He was there in the moment he'd been imagining far too many times, and fucking hell, he wanted it to be perfect. He wanted the words to flow from his mouth with ease and he wanted Jack to fucking kiss him without a single word afterwards. It hadn't been going as planned; Alex was still hiding his face. He was shutting down.

Jack had cuddled closer to him, and little did he know, it wasn't helping at all. Alex stood up, tearing himself from his best friend's grip. "I...this is really hard. Please don't hate me. Promise you won't hate me?" He awkwardly turned to face him again after he uttered his reply. It was surreal, because this was it: he was admitting that he had a big fat crush on his best friend - to his best friend.

"I couldn't hate you for anything. Come on, don't be a jackass. Tell me." Jack had stood up as well, and he approached him with extra caution. He didn't want to scare him away again.

And Alex ended up smiling at his humor, because Jack was nothing short of himself, even when things weren't looking so good. That gave him some kind of hope amidst all the chaos that was going on in his mind.

"A-Alright, fine. God, this is so dumb. It doesn't even matter." Alex couldn't stop reevaluating the entire situation at hand, because he wanted to make sure it was completely worth it. The fear was too strong, and he had to fight against it. One wrong move was all it would take to be defeated.

Jack meant to verbally reassure him, but instead, he settled on putting a hand on his shoulder. It was something resembling assuring, but Alex still felt as if he'd explode. They made eye contact, and it was laced with darkness and hidden intensity. Something was happening: an event unfolding right before them.

Right then and there, Alex had a difficult choice to make. He could open his mouth and reveal the secret; pouring out the contents of his head like hot wax. He could also say nothing and lean forward a tiny bit and just fucking kiss Jack. Both were risky, and he was frozen yet again.

Then, the unexpected occurred, and Alex got some kind of adrenaline rush out of nowhere. He felt almost euphoric, with his heart pounding out of his chest. He was sure Jack could hear it. It had been silent, until he leaned forward.

Their lips pressed together chastely at first. Alex could hear the blood rushing to his head, and it did a good job at drowning out the regret that might come. Jack was shocked, but he eventually began to kiss back. He deepened it by lifting his hand to the back of Alex's head. Neither of them expected it, but when it was happening, it was the only thing they wanted to do.

Alex would be lying if he said that he didn't feel dizzy and invincible when Jack pulled away to breathe. There was something about that moment that made him feel like his life was changing, and okay, maybe it wasn't that drastic, but he was young and everything seemed to be a big deal. The hopelessly teenage feeling made a home within him, and it was fooling him into thinking he could conquer the world with Jack right by his side. Always, forever, and a never-ending promise was all he needed, so he could run with it and call it his. No, theirs.

"Holy fuck...I don't know what to say...this-"

Jack cut Alex off with another kiss on his lips, and he sure as hell wasn't expecting it, but he wasn't going to be the one to reject it. This time, he backed Alex onto his bed, and for a second, he forgot who's house they were in. He eventually concluded that yes, it was his own bed, and holy shit: he was making out with his best friend on it. Jack couldn't get over the fact that Alex felt so good underneath him and attached to his lips.

Both of Alex's hands were on Jack's face, holding him there as if he'd disappear if he didn't. Jack was holding himself up on both sides of Alex so that he wouldn't crush him. They pulled apart one again, and their lungs felt worn out.

"S-Say something, I'm worried." Alex managed to utter amidst his heavy breaths. He truly was concerned, yet he had no reason to be.

Jack smirked, quite pleased with himself, "And this isn't enough justification for you?"

It was then that Alex realized he had what he wanted, and he didn't need a reason why. He already knew.

"It is, I just wanted to hear you talk." Alex kept his hands on Jack's face, looking into his eyes in the most teenage and lovesick way possible.

"Good, because I've been waiting to do this for way too long," Jack replied, relieved yet so caught up in all the adrenaline that he felt somewhat light-headed.

"How long?"

"Long enough." And with that, Jack leaned down and pressed a kiss to Alex's neck. Everything was new, everything was fine, and they both couldn't believe it was reality and not just some cruel, fucked up dream.

-

"What if they don't like me though?" Ashton asked Luke, feeling rather paranoid about the whole meeting Luke's other friends thing. It wasn't even that big of a deal in all reality, but he felt as though something would go terribly wrong. He couldn't seem to relax.

"Why wouldn't they? You'll fit right in with us, I promise." Luke replied, as he silently hoped that his promise would be kept. His friends weren't the nicest people ever. They tended to tell it like it is more than anything, with that being their downfall. Ashton was sensitive, and he couldn't handle constant criticism.

Luke tapped his foot on the gravel of the skatepark. He promised Alex, Jack, and Calum that he'd meet them there with Ashton. There wasn't much of a reason for it, other than that he wanted Ashton to feel accepted into their friend group. He always spoke of his other school, and how he was isolated because of his refusal to conform. Luke thought that was bullshit. He felt terrible, and he wanted to do something about it.

So that's what put the two there, in the Saturday afternoon sun of the skatepark. Perhaps it would work out okay, if only the other three didn't take so long.

Ashton found comfort in the silence. His old town didn't have a skatepark. He was looking for some sort of reason to feel better about moving to a new place. Solace, that was what he was looking for the most. Friends came second, he reckoned. They didn't matter as much as society made them out to. He knew he always had his own company, and he'd never lose that.

Luke was unaware of his friend's whereabouts, since he'd not heard from them in a considerably large amount of time. If only he knew what Jack and Alex were doing. It wasn't entirely unpredictable, though. The two so called "best friends" weren't the best at being secretive, especially with their love eyes and flirtatious comments.

A little more time passed, and they saw Calum approaching them, with Jack and Alex trailing not too far behind. Luke turned to Ashton quickly, "Don't worry, they're gonna love you."

Ashton smiled at him. He tried to believe Luke, but his insecurity was rooted in his mindset too far to make it possible. People didn't always like him. It was always something: too this, too that, not enough, never enough, and so on. He felt he could never win.

"Hey, Luke!" Calum yelled from a couple yards away, and Ashton took note of the skateboard he was holding. Did people actually go to the skatepark to skate, or was that some urban legend type shit?

Soon, he was in front of the two, while Jack and Alex were still lagging behind. Calum turned around and yelled again, "Guys, what the fuck?! Let's go!"

Calum could sense something different between the two as they got closer. It didn't seem to be anything physical until Calum spotted the hickey on Alex's neck, which ended up giving it away. They were also standing way closer to one another than usual, and Calum felt so happy for them.

"Happy now, Cal?" Jack retorted playfully, his tone different from his usual. He wrapped an arm around Alex's shoulders as if no one was watching.

Calum made a face at him, "Yeah, actually. Seems like you are too, if you're picking up what I'm putting down."

Alex's mouth hung open in surprise after a second and he looked up at Jack. "You told him, already?"

"No! I didn't-"

Calum interrupted, "Alex, your neck..."

Alex blushed bright red, feeling Jack's arm around him sink lower and wrap around his waist instead. "Fuck!"

"You're not allowed to look at it!" Jack hugged his sort of boyfriend, pulling him into his chest.

Ashton was sort of clueless as to what was even going on. He was guessing that Jack and Alex were dating. He concluded that there was a lot he didn't know about Luke's friends, and even Luke himself. They were still relatively new friends.

Calum couldn't hold back his laugh, "But it's exposed, and it's not hard to notice it."

"Guys, leave it? Who the fuck cares about Alex and his unsubtle hickey?" Luke intervened in their pointless conversation. He made a gesture to Ashton, "Calum, Jack, Alex: meet Ashton."

"Hey," Ashton said lamely. He internally cringed for being so awkward and insecure near these new people. They seemed pretty nice so far, and that made him feel better, but people tend to be way different from the first impression once you get to know them. He just hoped that they would like him.

"Hi Ash, I'm Calum. Can I call you Ash?" Calum asked politely, wanting to make a good impression on this kid if he was going to be added into their little group.

"Yeah, that's fine!" Ashton replied, keeping his expression soft when his eyes met Calum's own. He didn't want to come across as rude, and fuck, he couldn't help but think how ridiculous the whole 'meeting new people' thing was. Everything had to be so uptight and proper. He hated it, like a lot.

Luke glanced over to Jack and Alex, who were too busy whispering in each other's ears to introduce themselves to Ashton. He took matters into his own hands. "That's Jack, and that's Alex. I guess they're in love now?"

Ashton giggled, making the two look back towards the rest of the group.

"Hi?" They both said in unison.

Ashton was beyond confused now.

"You know, they've been dating for probably an hour at most and this is the kind of shit that's already happening. Can you imagine what next week is gonna be like?" Calum felt confident in his estimate of the current length of their relationship. After all, he had been spending a lot of time around them, and he knew it was bound to happen sometime.

Alex looked astonished at first, until he realized that they weren't official yet. He could always tell a little white lie; it was whatever. "How did you know?"

"Seriously? Is that even a question?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Oh, I don't know, maybe it was the constant flirting and the not so discreet touching I've been seeing lately." Calum crossed his arms, yet his tone of voice remained free of accusation, because in reality, he didn't care about the details of Jack and Alex's relationship. He just liked to fuck around with them.

Alex blushed, and so did Jack. Ashton thought they looked good together. They just fit. He wondered if he and Luke looked that good standing next to each other.

Not that Luke was a potential love interest in his eyes or anything, now that would be crazy, wouldn't it?

Ashton didn't think so.


End file.
